LOS ANGELES, CA — In what some commentators are calling a political bug-a-boo, Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass’s podium was stolen right out from under her during a press conference in which she was touting drops in the city’s crime rates.

“We have made significant progress in the city on homelessness and crime is — hey, where are you going with that!?” exclaimed Mayor Bass suddenly as her podium was whisked away by a member of the city’s unhoused population. “Uh, like I was saying crime is way, way, way down and the people of Los Angeles are seeing that with their own eyes.”

Right before this minor faux pas, the mayor had been touting drops in all categories of violent crime and said the city was still trying to get to the bottom of the completely unrelated and random 30% increase in murder for the first few months of 2024 compared to 2023.

“Theft is down, assaults are down, and poop on the city’s sidewalks is way, way down. Let me tell you, I only stepped in one pile all last week,” boasted Mayor Bass as gunshots and sirens could be heard in the bustling encampment of unhoused citizens behind her. “Also, I know that what was stolen from is technically called a lectern. Stop scolding me.”

At publishing time, the City Of Los Angeles announced a fentanyl buyback program even though that drug problem was also much better since Mayor Bass took over.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction