WASHINGTON, D.C. — As questions continue to mount regarding the lack of fiscal responsibility exercised by lawmakers, U.S. Senators said they are not super worried about running up the national debt since most of them will die of natural causes in the next year or so.
“Yeah, we’re not too concerned about it,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. “If any of us were in any position to be alive when it comes time to pay the piper, we might do things a bit differently. As things stand now, most of us have one foot in the grave already, so we’re just going to keep tossing away the country’s future. By the time things get really bad, we’ll be out of here.”
When asked about Congress’s ongoing willingness to funnel hundreds of billions of dollars to other countries while the national debt continues to climb to an astronomical level, legislators expressed no concern about the country’s financial future, citing the unlikelihood of any of them still being alive when the economy completely collapses under the weight of its crushing debt.
McConnell’s colleagues of advanced age seconded his assessment. “Why should we be worried about the future?” asked 90-year-old Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley. “The future? Are you kidding me? I’ll be lucky to make it to dinner tonight.”
At publishing time, senators refused to comment further on the national debt crisis as they all rushed off to a meeting to plan a $480 million 81st birthday party for Idaho Senator Jim Risch.
By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?