BIRMINGHAM, AL — Local woman Jane Adams narrowly exceeded the item limit at the grocery’s express checkout line today by a mere 2,387 items.
“Oh, did I have more than ten? Whoops! Silly me,” said Ms. Adams as she unloaded her second grocery cart. “Oh wait a minute! I have coupons for the next few hundred items!”
Despite the clear rules violation, cashier Amber McDonald didn’t seem to mind. “People are always in such a hurry in the express line. It was kind of nice to settle in for an hour,” said Ms. McDonald. “I felt like I got my workout in too, sacking seven-hundred bags. I can skip the gym tonight!”
Though Ms. Adams insisted it was an honest mistake, fellow shopper J.B. Daniels remained unconvinced. “This was clearly premeditated,” said Mr. Daniels, waving at the massive stack of reusable grocery bags. “I don’t see how she can be in this line in good conscience when she’s literally carrying more types of cheese than the ten-item limit. This is what’s wrong with America!”
At publishing time, Ms. Adams was heard asking the cashier if she could pay by check.
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